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Best Man Speech Jokes
If you weren’t lucky enough to be born with a natural ability to write killer one liners and deliver them in front of an audience, you might be a bit nervous about writing jokes for your best man speech.
We have compiled a list of classic best man speech jokes you can use in your speech. Some of them you will have to adapt to ‘your’ wedding. You may have heard similar lines in other best man speeches. These are all based on classic best man speech opening lines. They can be used as they are or adapted to your own speech.
The Jokes...
- “I’ve been told that speech-making is quite like prospecting for black gold. If you don't hit oil in 10 minutes time, stop boring.”
- “Apparently the best speech makers follow a set of rules. Stand Up. Speak Up. Then, very quickly, Shut Up. I'll try and stick to that.”
- “The brain is a wonderful thing. It never stops functioning from the time you're born until the moment you stand up to make a speech.” - Herbert V Prochnow and Herbert V Prochnow Jnr
- “Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasure” - Dr. Johnson
- This is a practical joke that will be revealed during your speech. Before your speech gather as many sets of keys from the wedding guests as you can. Make sure the bride and groom don’t know what you’re up to. You will need to brief all the female guests as they will be in on the joke too. Distribute all the keys amongst the female guests. During your speech, announce that “it is well known that the groom has had what you might call a wild past. As this is his wedding day, it’s time to tie up a few loose ends. (Groom’s name) has had a lot of girlfriends in the past and I know a few of you are here today. So if anyone has a set of (groom’s name)’s house keys could they just bring them up to the front, thanks.” Now all the female guests (from great grannies to pregnant women) come forward with the keys you gave out before your speech.
- This is a joke to be carried out during the wedding ceremony. When the minister/preacher/priest asks, "If anyone has any reason why these two people should not marry, speak up now or forever hold your peace..." have a 4-to-6 year old child (who is not the child of the groom) run up the aisle and shout, "Daddy, daddy!" Be careful with this joke. The consequences can be hilarious in the right company, but could be awkward in the wrong crowd.